


Flicker

by Eleftheria_F



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 16:14:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28620879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eleftheria_F/pseuds/Eleftheria_F
Summary: Eren dwells with regret.
Relationships: Mikasa Ackerman/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 3
Kudos: 49





	Flicker

**Author's Note:**

> This is my old work.

I guess you never, truly, love something until it’s gone. You underestimate the value that it had in your life, then when it vanishes you realise what a hole there is in your heart. The worst part is that sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it will be gone forever. No amount of money could ever get it back. 

Right now, that’s exactly how I felt. Sitting outside an old bar, the rain pouring down my collar and sliding down my back. I was freezing, I couldn’t care less. I couldn’t bring myself to care about something so small and simple like the rain. I had much bigger things on my plate. 

I had lost count on how many drinks I ordered. No matter what I drank, or how much I did, I hadn’t felt more sober in my entire life. I was finally seeing the bigger picture, rather than focusing on a small portion of my life. I was finally looking out into my future, the whole future. Not just work, which I focused on so much that everything else just seemed irrelevant. 

Mikasa didn’t want me. I knew at some point in life that she did, deep down I always knew that she liked me. No, loved me. I pushed it away, I ignored it. I made her feel like she didn’t matter, I realise that now. All this time, she was only looking out for me. I wish I wasn’t so stubborn, I wish I could turn back the clocks and change everything. 

Why was I so obsessed with work? Why couldn’t I live a little? Love a little? I was always taught that I needed to try my hardest, I needed to get a successful job in order to be happy. This wasn’t happiness, nothing about this made me feel happy anymore. Accomplished, yes. That didn’t seem to link with happiness though. 

Happiness was a broad term, I’d definitely felt that before though. Happiness was when I was actually able to make Mikasa laugh, or when I was with her and Armin I was laughing. I wasn’t thinking of work, those rare rare times. I didn’t realise it then, but now I realise all that time I was happy. Not now, it felt like any shred of light had been drained from my body. All that was left now was a dark, empty space.

If you had told me a year ago that Mikasa would be waltzing away with her arm linked to Jean Kirstein’s, I would have laughed until my stomach ached. That asshole was always so rude, so cocky. How could Mikasa like anyone like him? It puzzled me. The only solution that I could come up with is that he can give her something that I can’t. 

It began to get colder, I could feel it now. Wearing nothing but a shirt and trousers didn’t help my situation at all, I wish I brought a coat. The cold biting at my skin was finally knocking some sense in me, telling me to go home. My hair was drenched, along with my clothes. I might as well, before I am nothing more than a puddle on the ground. 

The street seemed empty, there was no cars or people. The streetlights were flickering, all I could think of is that it was such a pitiful neighbourhood. The road was bumpy and had pieces almost broken, there was rubbish everywhere and it seemed like nothing worked. It’s as if the whole world had just forgotten about the sad little neighbourhood in the sad little village. 

As I turned the corner I heard a voice that made my stomach churn. There she was, all dressed up with her hair and make up done. She really was beautiful. I couldn’t think of anyone in the entire Earth that was more gorgeous than Mikasa. God, how I missed her. She thought of nothing more than me than an old friend now. 

Then there was him. Jean Kirstein, dressed up in a suit and blazer. He was running inside with Mikasa, both of them laughing joyfully as they held what must of been Kirstein’s blazer above their heads. Both trying to avoid the rain, because the rain would ruin her make up. The rain would make her mascara fall from her eyes, running down the sides of her cheeks. 

Then the streetlights finally flickered out.


End file.
